“WHAT had I done to benefit or advance the human race?”

Finding this question in The Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche sparked off my soul-searching adventure. Walking in the green land; feeling the cool November 1 winds touching my face; ultimately, unlocking my three answers to the said query and issue of death, I experienced my heart’s peace.

Three Yes

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Yes! When I die, I would like to know that I helped empower our womanity/humankind. First, inspiring readers through the power of words. If my writing lifted up the hearts, minds and spirits of the reading populace, worthily, my life’s mission has been accomplished.

Spreading the gift of communication to every Kapampangan sister/brother; preparing newsworthy columns; contributing to the RCW (Reintegration for Care and Wholeness) magazine which is printed in Quezon City; truly these are the legacies I wish to leave behind. Thereafter, if our loving Lord grants me a quick and painless death, I would be a happy soul if my family, friends and familiar community remember me with this conversation.

“Wapen…marakal ya sinulat y Malu keng saya/lungkot ning bie, mayap a pangangatawan, mayap a KAPANAMDAMAN, ampon pamikalugud (Malu wrote extensively about the happy/sad state of living, health/wellness and the art of loving).”

Second, when I die or even while I am still on earth, I wish to ask for forgiveness. My heartfelt sorry for unkind words or uncharitable actions on my part. In moments of weakness, fear and insecurity, I mindlessly did things to hurt people. Please forgive me.

Third, when I die, I long to be reunited with Our Lord. Thereon, may I be welcomed in the eternal garden by Mama Salem/Nitang, Mom Lucia and Ethel. They have gone ahead to the other shore but their love enlivens me for all times.

Yes, what a beautiful Aslagan (sunrise) it is to know, ponder upon and accept our own death. Despite the anxiety, doubt and hesitation, I believe it is and will always be a valuable journey to be a human being. Thinking about my mortality energizes me to live each day fully with light, love and compassion.

Finale

Concluding my piece or reflection on death, let me share these verses from the Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying. Penned by fourteenth-century Dzogchen master Longchenpa, it underscores the essence of facing death.

The Immaculate Radiance

In a cloudless night sky, the full moon,

“The Lord of Stars,” is about to rise…

This, my life is finished

My karma is exhausted, what

benefit prayers could bring has worn out,

All worldly things are done with,

this life’s show is over…

Now all the connections in this

life between us are ending,

I am an aimless beggar who is

going to die as he likes,

Do not feel sad for me, but go on

Praying always.

These words are my heart talking, talking

to help you;

Think of them as a cloud of lotus-blossoms,

and you are in your devotion

as bees plunging into them to suck

from them their transcendent joy…

Through the great good of these words

May the beings of all the realms of

samsara (endless cycle of life and death),

In the ground of primordial perfection,

attain Nirvana (heaven).

Published in the Sun.Star Pampanga newspaper on November 1, 2009.